Lounge => The Tavern => Topic started by: George on January 09, 2011, 07:42:32 am

Title: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: George on January 09, 2011, 07:42:32 am
Some storys I told in a virtual pub on the Shetland Islands..

Right Im ready to start...I'm off to the Magnies rest ... got to tell them a wee story that happens to be true........hello all.......what the hell are you all wearing hardhats and gumshields for.. is Alky and her sister been at the triples again?.... barmaid could I have a pint o watter before I start....thanks....Right.. this happened to me back in the sixties, but it is still very vivid in my late wife Jean was always getting on to me for scaring our children with these stories... So I will was in August when I knew the Salmon were in the upper reaches of the river Ayr and the river I set out in my car and headed for Mauchline, passing through Moscow and Hurlford on the way there... I arrived outside the village, and parked the car at a place called the Haugh, then set up my fishing gear, I walked downstream to a place called the meeting o the watters.. where the Luger meets the Ayr.. I decided to fish the Luger went upstream about a quarter o a mile and started to fish.. It was not to long when I was into a Salmon, a nice fish of seven pounds.. So I took it back to the car and then decided to fish upstream on the River Ayr.. I was fishing a long pool. when I noticed someone else was fishing on the opposite bank to me... it was a Mink, its colour was unusual as it seemed to be blue fur...anyway it was a far better angler than me, as evertime it slipped into the pool, it would come up with a Salmon Parr, then disappear into a gully, where I presumed it had young to feed.. So I decided to move on to the next pool, as I thought it had probably scared off the Salmon in that pool...... so I moved upstream to the pool above, and started to fish again... It was a very pleasant day for fishing.. the birds were singing.. the water was gurgling down over some rapids, sheer paradise to someone like me, who loves the country........... I first became aware that something strange was about to happen at this place, I had a very uneasy feeling that all was not right....... The first thing I noticed.. was the birds had gone quiet, then I realised that the water was not gurgling either...... I sensed the hairs on the back of my neck rising, and a tingling on my neck ......... something wasnt right......... even the tree branches seemed to have stopped swaying in the breeze.................. Then I slowly raised my eyes and looked over the river to the bushes.......... I was being watched I thought......then a man in black materialised right across the river from me...He did not speak or move..just stared at me, for what seemed like an age...then he started to fade away in front of my eyes........................This story.. IS TRUE AS I DESCRIBED IT............................right.. Why are you all holding hands..and you John .. what are you doing sitting on the barmaids lap..

More to come.. hope you enjoyed it..

Title: Re: Stories.. The soldier..
Post by: George on January 10, 2011, 07:36:10 am
This one is from Benjismum.. in response to mine..

You'll have to buy everyone doubles, George, to calm them down.  I like a good ghost story - especially when they're true!! And that's a good 'un!!

I've got a few "little" stories but nothing I've experienced myself - except a flying glass once. But, my friend over the road told me of her experience in her garden. Now, if you knew my friend, you would know that she is very matter-of-fact, no nonsense, isn't sentimental doesn't believe in ghosts, horoscopes, fairies, Father Christmas or any such things......

She and her husband had built a new house behind the old stone farmhouse which they had been required to demolish. Where the stone farmhouse had stood was now a large lawn. day she was mowing the lawn. It was the middle of the day................

As she busied herself in the garden, she was aware that someone was watching her.  She stopped what she was doing momentarily and saw a man standing looking right through her (as I'm telling you this I've got goosebumps all over and my eyes are watering!!!)  She watched him for a few seconds, smiled at him and greeted him cheerily but got no response.

He appeared to be very over-dressed for a summer's day - even for a farmer - which, at first, she took him to be. Then she realised that he had a very big army coat on, and had something like a bag slung over his shoulder and an army hat. She turned back to her lawn mower to stop it............aaaaaahhhhhhh......and when she turned back to speak to him..........he had disappeared.

When she made enquiries about who had lived in the old farm in the past, she discovered that the son of the house had gone away to the first world war. He should have taken over the farm......but, sadly never lived to return.

She is convinced that it was him she saw that day. She's never seen him since, but tells me she sometimes feels a presence there when she is in the garden.

I'm so terrified that if I have to go over there at night I take my million watt torch with me!!! ;D

Now, where's that double brandy?????

Thanks Benji for your wee story..

Oor Pat ..

Joost drapped in for a glass o Nortmavine Sparklin fur my 11s'. Ah'll hae tae stick up fur da lasses ahint da bar.. Dey might be a bit rough aroond da edges but dey serve a good gless o watter an da stovies is second tae none .. Mind you dat false eyelash in da reestit mutton soup wiz hard tae swalloo.. Still I fin da place lichtsome enouch despite dis creepy feelin dat dere's folk dat I canna see all aboot me....

Geordie said..

Hi.David, and zdrahstvooite dobree vyechir..kak vy oazhyvahyete David ..... Nice to see you in da magnies for da first have to watch your back in here David... it can get a bit wild at times..een keep your eyes off da burds, Alky and her twin...cause, wee Willie  fancies dem...................telt me he is not fussy about who he can pick up....I think he is just looking for free boarding.........He is a tourist you know... just like you....but you seem to have your head screwed on da right way. ...Anyway whits yer poison. and I will have the same. thank you.... Ok Alky, pit it on Davids tab...always pays to be nice to people..........

george.. Meeting a Rooskie tourist..

Hello all.. I see we have got our first tourist o da season..I wonder how he found oot about da magnies rest..Must have heard o it on da internet...Hello tourist... are you up for a bit o sightseeing, or up for da burds...Eezveeneete, pazhahlsta nyet, rooskee......... O my god he is wan o dem.....ok rooskee do you speak da lingo?... Nyet. nyet. prashoo vas pamoch mnye [ can you help me ]  It depends on wat you want. if it will cost any money. your nae chance... Skolka stoeet [ how much does it cost ] ...Kak nahm papast navagzahl [ how do we get to the station ] Noo hes pulling mae leg noo...think he is a bit o a joker... Alky gie him a wee dram o vodka.. that will shut him up fer a time...and pit it oan Davids tab. cause im skint as usual........

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub. Alky..
Post by: George on January 10, 2011, 10:29:07 am
Hello Alky. Nice to see you back from the asylum, I suppose I will have to give you a wee hand today, as you seem to be a bit tied up.. Did they forget to take da straight-jacket off, or, are you still a wee bit nutty. I see your sister Alkapop is nearly normal, apart from her talking to herself in da mirror, I heard yesterday that there is going to be big turnout in da pub next week, I think its because someone overheard that there is to be free drinks...anyway I will be off to my daughters hoose doon sooth in Paisley toon, whit dae you mean your never heard of paisley, dats where da big cotton mills were, an Tannahill da auld poet...I mind when I wis a lad we had what was known as da Paisley Fair, when da mills shut for da holidays, then just aboot every family in da toon jumped on the auld steam trains and headed for Ayr and Saltcoats, all the snobs went to Largs..  And talking about Ayr, thats when I had my first encounter wae da spirit life..It kind o makes you a wee bit scared at times, it was at night and we had rented a flat above an old blacksmiths shop..[ god I can still smell the burning o da horses hoofs when da smithy put the red hot shoe onto its hoof then nailed it on,then he would cut and trim da nail around da shoe] ,...... whit dae you mean you dont want to know aboot ghosts, ok. be like dat then, I might tell it another time as I dont want to upset you when your just oot o hospital...... Right then. I am off now, I will see you both later...........

Next day..

Hello Alky. How are you today? They new glasses your wearing fairly help to take da squint oot o your eyes, big improvement..  I was telling you that I was going down to my lasses hoose in paisley..well I canna make my mind up whether to take my car or not..the drivers doon there are sheer mental..sorry Alky, I shouldna have said dat word [ mental ]  Do you think I should take da car?... whit do you mean, you hope da ferry sinks, I thought you liked me, and here I was going to bring you and your sister a wee present, I was going to get you both a pair o pink wellies. I heard dat the pub was empty again last night, I bet it will be mobbed when I go off da island, I dont think I'm very well liked in here, ???. Probably because o da way I talk to folk..  Anyway, I think I will go out today wae da camera and see if I can spot da otters an take a picture or two. .. See you later four eyes....

next day..

Hello Alky. Hows it going the day then, have du heard dat I am going to paisley in a week or two......... whit do you mean, the sooner the better, that wasnt very nice o you......and here I was, wae my camera, going to take you and your sisters photo dis morning.........I would really like to get a picture o you both withoot your makeup on, kinda natural like........Why......Well I wis going to enter it in an ugly twins competition, I think wae faces like yours I would definately win it, what do you think...........................................WHAT are doing wae dat knife...aaarrrgggg.......I'm oot o here.......

Next day..

Hello benji..
I thought I would join you in a wee drink......aye...... you are right about the memory bit..I'm forever forgetting what I am looking for, and the joints, well thats just normal wear and tear after years o hard work... But the government seem to forget about things like that, when they want to increase the retirement age for the auld age pension... and that bit about [ only as young as you feel. ] that sounds familiar to me... I feel as fit as when I was a lad...until I start hiking ower da hills, thats when I realize that I am not as fit as a young lad..he.he.... Alky.. would you give Benji another wee brandy, and I will have a wee dram......Whit do you mean I forgot to pay for the last one... o dear.. this memory o mine.. it must be getting worse.....
Title: Re: Storys.. Alkys twin..
Post by: George on January 11, 2011, 08:14:16 am
Some carry on in da Magnies rest last night..When I went in, Alky brought ower ma gless o watter, een sat doon wae me, den she telt me hur brass necklace wis broken, I telt hur ta take it aff an spread it oot on da bar..ah said I would be right on da job een a second,,but hur sister Alkapop [ who.s a bit deaf ] misstook da conversation an thought I ment something else.she grabbed ma gless an skelped me ower da heed wae it,, to say I wis shocked een stunned wis an understatement., a wis mair like unconsious.. somebuddie phoned da cop shop in Lerwick Toon and telt dem ta send da Black Maria, da said they didna huv wan but would send a panda,[ why they call dem that I dont know cause they dont look anything like bears ].. anyway da came an lifted Alkapop, she wis shoutin ta dem dat it wis a missunderstanding, dat she wis a bit deaf an missheard me....think she is up afore da beak next week.. so we will huv ta wait an see whit happens tae hur...

A few days later..

Hello Alky, your looking real pretty dis morning. but I think you could do with a shave and a bit o make-up on ............George.. why are you talking to the mirror..Sorry Alky. I forgot ta put my specs on..Its an age thing Alky..anyway I'm aff to court this morning, I have been called as a prosecution witness, against your crazy sister Alkapop, hope da put her in the stocks and throw away da key. err. Or should dat be, in the cell den throw away da key...

The court case..

Whit a day its been in the courtroom, da first case was an auld pensioner, nicked for stubbing oot her f*g at the market cross, she couldna walk too well, so they lifted her into the dock, poor wee thing, I think the judge was in a bit o a bad mood this morning, cause he found her guilty afore she could even plead not guilty..but she got a lenient sentence at least.. she was fined three hundred pounds and banned from smoking fur a year...serves her right... NEXT CASE...was Alkys sister Alkapop..... She wiz dressed in a tight fitting, low cut, slinky little number, well you should have seen the court ushers rushing to help her into the dock, but they were too late, the auld judge beat dem to it. I thought it was quite funny. because in the fight between the ushers and the judge his wig was knocked aff and he was quite bald.. anyway the court usher asked her to plead.. Guilty or not guilty.. afore she hud a chance ta reply the auld judge shouted.. Not guilty... Then excepted his plea.. een told her she was a free woman.. den he asked her for hur telephone number...  CASE CLOSED.....

Wonder whit will be next.. Dis virtual pub is gettin worse..


Title: Re: Stories.. Coos & banter.
Post by: George on January 12, 2011, 10:03:40 am
Hello benji... Your getting as bad as M ... drinking in a sunday morning..tut.tut....I like da thread you opened about being scared as a kid..... and your feart o COOS as well.. I just thought it wis just me ........ I mind years ago. I went with a good mate o mine. another fireman like me [ he died a long time ago ] .. anyway he was also scared o cows.. and I will always remember this day. When we were oot fishing for Salmon on the River Luger.. Jack and me had to get past a big herd o the beasts, scattered aboot the we decided the only way was to creep through the bushes and hope they wouldnt see us.. Jack was in front o me.. and as we thought we were oot o the danger area.. Jack ran and jumped off a high bank at the riverside.. and screamed.. as he almost landed astride one o the big beasts.... the coo got such a fright it jumped into the about funny..we laughed all the way home in the car...  anyway I won the lottery last night so your drink is on me... thinks benji.. thats a first for george,,,,,,,,,,,,thinks george. thats the last for benji..he.he.he.


Hello Alky you look rather fetching in your yellow wellies tonight... pity you didna change your fishnet tights. cause you have a wee ladder in them.. sorry Alky. I just cant help myself. but being an honest type o guy. I thought it would be better for me yer auld pal, to tell you, rather than some o they misfits dat come in here.. you know who I mean. nudge. nudge wink wink.. anyway could I have a pint o your best watter please.... by the way I just wish you would go back ta dat plastic-surgeon and get yer nose fixed. where its ment to be. instead o in da middle o your foreheed it just dont suit you up there. een your sister she will get a sair back efter getting these breast implants...I think he overdid it with them........... dat rooskee that wis in, I got him drunk last night...een I got a bit o interesting information oot o him..........He wis sent ower here frae Moscow he is a KGB hired by some burd , think he said her name wis TAMARA....his name wis Vlad..or wis it Igor.. he wis sent ta find oot if.. H.. hung aboot da magnies rest... een da plan wis to kiddnap him an spirit him ower tae Moscow......... cause TAMARA canna get.. H.. oot o her mind.. plus da fact he owes her a lot o money for certain favours she did for him............its amazing whit information you can get efter you ply these Rooskees way a bit o vodka, init Alky....can I get another pint please......

Orange wellies..

Hello Alkapop.. how ur you today, your looking really nice today, with your matching wellie boots on, I must say. I like the colour of them. bright orange. at least it matches your face...... I thought your sister would be in today, where is she.... whit do you mean she had a nervous breakdown.. wonder what caused that.. has some idiot been saying something to upset her... whit do mean. me. i'm her best pal. I gie hur the best o advice that money can buy........the cheek o some folk....... anyway Alkapop I think dat plastic-sureon did a great job on you wae the breast implants. you look a bit like Dolly Parton, but. I better warn you not to go oot in a windy day. some o they gusts o wind, might catch them and lift you up an hurl you ower da banks into da sea........ tell Alky I wis asking for her.... on second thoughts, maybe you better not.. If you mention my name she might do something silly........

Title: Re: Storys. A wee ghost story..
Post by: George on January 13, 2011, 07:08:21 am
Hi. F. Its busy in here tonight, I heard that the AA twins are off for a wee holiday, god sake I think they need it, I was just saying that the other day to m, that I thought they were cracking up, M wis saying that they were off to sunny Fetherland up in da north o da island for a bit o piece an quiet...thats fine. but I heard that its haunted, imagine going to a deserted village full o ghosts...Talking o which.. I have a wee ghostie tale to tell....... are you all sitting comfortably, M, get aff marees lap, I havent even started yet, ya big feartie, ok. here it goes..  This one is a kinda follow up to the one I telt you about, o da wee wife dat I met in the mansion..... if you remember. I wis in Sandys hoose doing some work for him...when I saw a wee ghostie wife wandering aboot da place...... This next one wis another day................. I got a phonecall from Sandy, to explain that he had ordered a chest freezer, he wanted it down in the cellar. but it was a bit too wide to fit through the doorway, and it was to be delivered the next day, could I help.... I said no bother Sandy. but I will have to do it tonight, I had the spare key o the hoose... So that night I set out to his hoose, as I drove up the long driveway, trees on each side o the driveway they were swaying in the wind, when I got to the mansion, it looked a wee bit spookie, and I got that kind o feeling.. Something was watching me............ So I entered the hoose, switched on the lights, and made my way to the cellar.. I measured the doorway between the door stiles and figured out that if I removed the door and the stiles, then he would get the freezer in with no bother.. so I removed the door, then levered off the stiles,, when I THOUGHT.. I WASNT IN THE CELLAR MYSELF.... the next moment I felt like a punch in my back. which threw me onto the floor.. I quickly picked myself up and did a quick exit from the old house... When I think back on this event.. I can only think that the old man who was the original owner. Mr. Robertson, who died a number of years ago, took exception to me altering his cellar door. and it was his way of letting me know..................... Well Fifi.. I think that one is worth a pint o your best... look at you.. all three o you sitting on top o Ms lap , a big bunch o fearties.. he.he.he.......

Title: Re: Storys.. Aff tae da pub..
Post by: George on January 14, 2011, 06:45:27 am
Think I will go to the pub today.. But I think I better watch myself, I think A an A are getting a bit fed up with me and my loose tongue.... I thought it was just a bit o banter.. but some folk are a bit thin skinned and canna take a joke. he.he....and see dat benji, she was wondering where TAMARA came from...a doot she hasna read that excellent bit that H wrote.....from RUSSIA WITH LOVE... It was sheer brill...

Anyway i'm off to the magnie rest and test oot the atmosphere. See if A and A..ARE TALKING TO ME.... ???..... God sake. it disna take a blink o an eye to get to the pub.... just a wee click o the mouse and your there........... I better be nice to da twins today,and watch what I say to them........

Hi. twins, hows it gaun da day... could I have a pint o your best please...[ noo dat wis nice and polite ] thank you......... cheers....

 I have to say. i'm a bit dissapointed wae the both o you, dat you didna take my advice and go back tae the surgeon an get all da defects sorted oot, if I wis you, I would ask for your money back, as it didna work.. in fact you look worse noo........ WHIT DO YOU MEAN im BANNED....... I wis only trying to gae you a bit o friendly advice.......i'm off again, my problem is I canna help whit I say.....its just an auld age thing...

Pat says..
I tink I need ta stay away fae dis establishment ower da denner hour..... I joost met George flyin oot the door - again.. I suppose he's been tellin jokes ageen..... Never mind George, you'll be forgiven I'm sure, Boy dat tattie soup is dat fine on a cowld Up Helly Aa day....

Hello maree, I see its your turn to be da barmaid, its awfully quiet in here these days init.. I have been to see wan o da doctors that delve inta your mind, I had a problem communicating wae folk, seems I just upset some o da folk that come in here, so I thought I would go and get it fixed..

 Anyway... I didna like da way the doc. asked me all they questions, like what age are you, do you drink, how many units o drink do you have, it went on and on. so I got a bit fed up wa his ranting, then to crown it all he said that I had a problem wa my drinking.. ah telt him the only problem I hud wa drink wis I couldna get enough o it, you know as well as me maree, I only have a bottle o magnies best mineral watter a day....

So I telt him to get lost an mind his own bl...y  business an no to be so blinking nosy, so I left him wae a sair jaw. as I wis storming oot he wis trying ta give me some kind o leaflet aboot some guy called da moongod, or something like dat. I telt him tae shove it. a wisna interested in dat kind o propaganda.....

Well maree give me a pint o your best and you can have wan yourself, but put it on oxes tab, dat miserable auld gits never bought a drink fur me yet.. he will never notice it. he. he. he.

well maree, how are you getting on wae dat nikon camera dat you got, have you sussed it oot yet, cause I huvna sussed mine oot yet, man, dat photoshop elements is da business init, its amazing whit you kin do wa a photo.. I am taking all my pictures in RAW. then you kin play aboot wae it tae your likeing............

Right maree, I am away hame noo, its been a pleasure talking tae you, makes a change frae they twins, their aff there heeds.. see you later................

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub.. Explosion..
Post by: George on January 15, 2011, 08:08:48 am
This is a true account of the Brown & Polson explosion..

It happened on the 5th. June, 1964.. In Paisley town..

Hello all, its nice to see the pub so busy, makes a change.......

So I think I will tell you all a wee story about an event, which I was involved with back, in 1964, it is an eyewitness account of the Brown and Polson dust explosion on the 5th. of june 1964. when five souls lost their lives..

But to start with.. I have to go back to the night previous, the 4th. june 1964.... I was on nightshift with blue watch.. When I was told by my station officer to get myself out to the thornhill hospital as my wife was about to give birth to my first born.. When I arrived at the hospital, my wife Jean had given birth to a son.. I was over the moon with delight at having a son.... the first of six... five boys and one daughter.. unfortunatly one of my sons died at childbirth.....

Anyway. back at the fire station to complete my shift. the bells went off at 0630am..

It was a call to an explosion at the brown and polson factory, persons reported missing....

The factory was an old building with very thick walls, It was five stories tall...

When we arrived at the scene, all that was left of it was one very large pile of bricks and morter, being young, and inexperianced [ I was only 24 at this time ] My first impression was that the mill had been pulled down by contractors.. But I was so wrong...

 As I made my way to the debris, I noticed a movement in the rubble, when a man appeared out of it.. his brown overalls shredded off of him along with half his skin hanging like tatters from him..  He muttered to me where his two mates were seen last..

So I helped the poor soul over to the care of an ambulance crew, turned round and headed back to the scene of chaos... I called over to another fireman, [ Alec Lawler ] to come and help me to search the area that the injured workman had told me about..

So together, we tore at the rubble with our hands, when we heard someone groaning... We cleared the rubble from him.. and made a stretcher out of a short extension ladder, roped him in it with a personal line [which we all carried in these days ] then lowered him down to some other firemen....

We then resumed searching the rubble and came to a bit of brown cloth... As we cleared the bricks and mortar from it.. we had found another soul.. But he was dead, he was lying face down wth a massive lump of concrete on top of him..We cleared it off of him and called for another stretcher to be passed up to us, we wrapped his head in rags and secured his body with a line and lowered him to our mates down below .......

another two workers were found in the remains of a works van... it was completely flattened by the whole of the gable wall... which crashed down on it...

It was just like a butchers shop.. Terrible..

The last person was found two days later.. He was lying beside a three ton truck. Which no one knew was there... untill a bulldozer found it..

the fifth worker was never found ......

The explosion was caused by corn dust.. which had gathered in the old mill over the years .. Under certain atmospheric conditions, this dust can glow.. and then ignite.. Devouring the air inside the building.. which then causes an implosion.......

Although this happened back in 1964... I sometimes dream of the apparition of the first workman lumbering towards me...  It was scary...

Now I tried to google up this tragic event.. But could find no trace of it..... So I thought.. If there is no public record of it.. Then why not tell it to you all on this forum ... and hopefully lay to rest the ghosts in me.....

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: tracy on January 15, 2011, 08:58:54 am
such a sad story  :'( brings a tear to the eye

also makes you appreciate all that the fire service does
Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: George on January 15, 2011, 09:09:27 am
Thank you Tracy..

It was a tramatic experience. for me..

Another time i'll tell of the Clarkson disaster.. 22 were killed in that fateful saturday.. I attended that as well..

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: tracy on January 15, 2011, 09:13:26 am
have just let ross read that post he was amazed and thinks his grandad is a hero  ;D
Title: Re: Stories.. Pub's open for business!
Post by: George on January 15, 2011, 09:29:35 pm
Hello alky.. My,my,my, you look real creamed cracker'ed, whit's up wae you alky...... Well geordie, I wis run aff ma feet this morning, dae ya ken that there wis 32 punter's in the pub this morning. So I thought ta maself i'll go fur a wee kip in da afternoon.... so I staggered through ta ma bedroom stripped aff, and climbed inta ma bed...

I wis only init a wee while when a realised a wis'na alone geordie........... Whit dae ya mean alky, ya wur'na alone...... da ya mean ta say that someone else wis in yur bed........ Aye that's right geordie........ I heard a droning kind o noise.......... it wis coming from under ma bedsheet's........

Who wis it alky...... Well it's a wee bit embarrassing geordie.... I dont know whether ta tell ya or not geordie....

geordie, you know fine well ya canna keep yur big trap shut.... listen alky, ma middle name is discretion itself, so ya don't huv ta worry aboot me blabbing it oot... so alky who wis it..

 a promise ta keep yur secret....... Well geordie it wis that auld grey haired guy that keep's getting his name's aw mixed up........ Whit dae ya mean willie .... naw it wisn'a him..

 it wis auld ....MG.... god sake's geordie, ya should have heard him snore ... then a woke him up, he took wan look at me in ma birthday suit .. then he screamed like a banshee ....... he telt me ta keep ma trap shut, een no ta tell his wifie benji ... So geordie, dae him a favour een don't tell benji .... Aye alky, anything fur a pal, yur secret's safe wae me .. Right alky lead me ta yur bedroom.. a need a kip..


You had me on the edge of my seat with that one, George

Not the ending I was looking for..


Hi. jeff
your either up very early this morning, or very late, depending on whether you live on the east coast or the pacific coast.

Aye my wee tale, i suppose could have had a different ending..... but, as it's a family forum I have to be careful. I kind'a pick on people who I don't think will be offended with my rambling's, and it is just that. it's all meant ta be a bit of fun to cheer folk's up.

Title: Re: Stories.. A day at Eshaness..
Post by: George on January 16, 2011, 07:05:11 am
Hello benji and Maree, wid you like a wee brandy,I'm having a wee dram tonight. god sake, whit a day its been..

 I motored aw da way up tae Eshaness hoping tae get a cup o coffee frae da Braewick cafe.. Pat said if da lights were on jist chap da door een Christina wid give me one ...

But she must have seen me coming I saw da lights go oot as I drove into da car park .... A doot Pat must have telt her I wis a bit o pest, which I am... he.he. Anyway I went for da sole purpous o shooting a wee video fur da Northmavine forum wa a few pictures to boot....

 So I tottered along da edge o da cliffs watching da fulmars .. not so many hoodies aboot. Nay doot they will be adorning they big viking types helmets, for Up Helly AA..

 Anyway.. I wis creeping oot the tap o a cliff to get a good position to shot da video. I wis only aboot three feet aff da edge, when I slipped on a wet rock an nearly went ower da side..... man.. it fairly shook me for a .second.....

Then I went doon tae da hole o scraada an took some pictures o it.. da rain came on for a bit, so I decided to head back to da car, I wis hoping to climb up da Grind o Navir, een shoot more pictures from it. but it will just have to wait for a better day... I tried da tearoom on da way home but it was still shut.......... hence. I thought I would call into da magnies rest, for a wee drink.. and believe me I need one.........whos getting them this time.... tell you what put it on PATS tab....she wont notice.

The video o da cliffs..

Title: Re: Stories.. Explosion..
Post by: George on January 16, 2011, 07:40:19 pm
The Clarkston Disaster. Thursday the 21st. October 1971..

Hello everybody...

Thought I would drop in and tell you all a wee story which I mentioned earlier in the forum .. This one is about the Clarkston disaster..

This happened on Thursday 21st. October 1971

There were 22 killed and over 100 injured...

My recollection's are slightly different from the the news report which I have put below .... In the report it said 20 were killed.. I believe it was 22.. It said it happened about mid-afternoon .. We got the call at 12 noon..

The double-decker bus which was passing the shops at the time of the explosion  one female passenger was one of the fatalities. The bus was shredded by shrapnel from the explosion .......... I was the driver of the Barrhead Fire engine that day ... We got the callout at about 12 noon and I drove at speed to the scene..

 About halfway there, I heard a message come over the radio.. From Mike Tango 5 at clarkston shopping centre .. Series of explosions... person's reported... make pump's five ...

I said to the officer.. it sound's like a bad one ..

 By this time I had been joined by a police car which was leading me to clear the traffic ...

When we arrived I could go no further because of the debris all over the road. So I pulled up next to a roundabout .. and we all went to the officer in charge ... He told us where he wanted us to search for the injured first... and then the dead...

 The blast had blown up through the basement, through the floors, and on up through the roof..

The roof was a car-park for customers, and some of the cars were blown off the roof and landed on the main london to glasgow railway line ..

All the shopper's which were in the shops.. all had fell into the basements ..

And that is where we concentrated our search for any survivers..

We worked for many hours, bringing up the poor souls.. dead and alive ..

Then we were relieved by replacements ...

When I eventually got home to my wife, she noticed that I was very shaken up .. and good on her.. for she run down to the local shop and bought me a half bottle of whiskey..

The next day I went on to nightshift .. and was back at the scene ..

We were only looking for bodys now ...

The salvation army set up a soup-kitchen for the emergency workers .. which was truly welcomed.. 

These shops all had a basement, and a sealed sub-basement ..

Through the sub-basement ran a gas main, which was laid on a bed of sand.. Except for one part.. which rested on a rock .. 

Possibly the vibrations from the trains running past the shops.. that may have been the reason for a leak of gas .. Which filtered into all the basements ..

That is why there was a series of explosions .. seven blasts in seven shops ......

Thats another ghost laid to rest ... Only about another eight or nine to go .. then I'll be happy..

Just before 3pm on Thursday October 21, 1971, a massive gas explosion ripped through the shopping precinct at Clarkston Toll on the south side of Glasgow.
Twenty died and more than 100 were injured, many of them seriously.
A strong smell of gas had been reported the day before and repair work had been carried out.
On the afternoon of the blast, gas board inspectors and workers were checking the repair when the row of shops along the Busby Road erupted with the force of a 300lb bomb.
The car park above the shopping terrace collapsed with more than 20 vehicles adding to the debris.
A passing double-decker bus was also caught by the blast.
Passers-by started to rescue the injured until the emergency services arrived.
More than 100 police officers and 20 fire brigade units and every available ambulance in Glasgow were called to the scene.Most of the victims were young female shop assistants and housewives doing their shopping.

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: George on January 16, 2011, 08:23:59 pm


Sorry to hear you've been sad, not nice I know and sometimes it's very difficult to lift yourself up. Your story was very moving and obviously something that you will always remember, you never forget things, you just learn to live with things Its a sad old world we live in and I can never see any reason for things like that happening.
One sad story which will always be in my mind is of boy, a friend of my sons, who died in a tragic accident on a school trip. The party of 10 had been down a pot hole when it started flooding, they got out, did a head count and he wasnt there, he'd got stuck and didn't make it out. My sadness was and still is for two reasons, what he must have felt like down there and for his parents at loosing their 14 year old son. As a parent I really felt for them, don't think I could cope if something like that happened to mine.

Anyway, on a lighter note, seeing how George has left his wallet behind, thought it was only Yorkshire men who did that, I'll buy the drinks and we can get slowly "wasted" and put the world to rights!!


Horrendous, George, but you should be proud of the part you played in the aftermath.


It' s only relatively recently that folk in the armed services and the emergency services have begun to receive counselling for Post Traumatic Stress. I guess there must be many thousands of folk carrying the trauma of scenes witnessed before such services were available. Often such things can hit suddenly out of the blue many years later, perhaps brought on by another unrelated trauma or event.

Chin up George..........keep takin da photos - much better than tablets!


Thanks to all of you for your concerns about me .. But I'm really fine .. I just had to do something for someone.. and it was not a very pleasant task, [ I got an enquiry from the son of one of the dead in the Brown & Polson explosion] He asked me to describe what it was like to recover his dads body, and not to spare the gory details. he was just a baby when it happened.. and it sort of triggered bad memories from my past life .....but I'm ok now...
Now then .. anyone know where I left my wallet, the moths in it must be starving..


From Lynne.

George, I take my hat off to people like you who, during their working life, have to face danger every day. I hope that you are not so sad just now. I could never have done the job that you do. So, you are one of the best along with all the other folk who work in our emergency services and our armed forces. That's all I'll say. Have a wee drink on me now!


Come on now BM dont be so tight offering George a WEE dram, shouldn't that be a LARGE one.
Title: Re: Stories.. The Shed ..
Post by: George on January 17, 2011, 08:34:46 am
I'm escaping on da ferry da morrow night .... I'm off tae Paisley Toon ta ma wee lasses hoose fer a month..

 Its a working holiday.. I ran a poll to see whit da punters thought o traveling doon on da bus or tae take da car...the car won.. Cause ma lassie gave me a list o da jobs she wants done. And its as long as a giraffes neck .......

So I need tae take my rip-snorter... and my electric hand saw. three foot crowbar spirit level etc.etc.etc. I think she thinks I'm an octopus, plus my new camera in its brand new super dooper rucksack, and my holdall... crivins... I think she thinks I'm super man ...  O, I forgot my sawn off billard cue just for da muggers.....

 So Alky, dont tell the misfits dat frequent da magnies rest that I'm off..

Aye nay doot .. I think she will be putting me under a lot of pressure to get her new shed built.. and to demolish her other two sheds .. I've no doot the wee grandson will be out helping me...

As for the son in law. don't see how he can help me as he is working ten hour shifts....... never mind. my lass can help me....

Hello Lynne. Whit a day I have had.... I dug out da foundations for da shed .. then karen said it was in the wrong place..  So I dug it oot again .. Noo it just looks like da trenchs at the battle o the Somme. MG was probably there ... So he will know what I'm talking about. .....

I got stuck in the mud and my karen had to dig me out o it ... She then slipped in the mud and fell full face into it .... I had to leave her there about half an hour till I stopped laughing.............. then I wis just a wee dream..

I just popped in for a wee break, it makes you tired watching other people working, I mean of course alky, I conned her into coming down to paisley with me.

 told her its a wee holiday..

 So I have her oot digging the foundations for da big shed I have to put up, and she is up to her neck in the mud, cause its been raining for the last couple o days ...

the kind o weather you wouldna send your dog oot in... talking o dogs. she even complained aboot sleeping in the dogs kennel... even the dog was complaining aboot her sleeping on the dogs blanket

You just can.t please anyone these days...

Alkys up to her neck in it again, she seems to like playing in the mud ... but I think I better stop her from sleeping in the kennel.. the dog seems to have taken a fancy to her now.........

So from tonight,  she can sleep in the old shed it's all she deserves as she isna pulling her weight....

 She has only shifted about two tons o mud from the foundations ...... see these younsters, I don't know where they come from........ Anyway,  I better go back and see how she is getting on..

Thought I would just drop in for a wee drink, get really dry watching folk work..........

Alkys really doing well, I've got her mixing da concrete for da foundations now, but she has a wee bit o bother wheeling it by da barrow load, I could have helped her but I had a prior engagement [ I was away birdwatching ] and today it was pouring cats and dugs but I managed to find her an old torn waterproof jacket, it helped a wee bit, I think she has lost a bit o weight, dont know if its the hard work or maybe not eating her meals, I might have to give her a wee bit extra at her lunch break [ she gets a half-hour break ]

I think da dog feels sorry for her as he keeps giving her his leftovers....... I have da feeling that she is pining to get back to Shetland, but I telt her I've lost her boat ticket ..

So she will be here for another couple o weeks ..... only joking he.he ........... just as well she is a virtual barmaid and not real, or I would be done for cruelty.......

I think I will go birdie watching da morrow... and gae you an update o da shed ..... I want to take a burst o pictures o dat kestral .. My nephew thinks he could use it to make me a new avatar with it... clever wee lad that he is [ he is 48 ] but just a lad in my eyes ... ok. then.. I'm off just noo.. see you all later....
   Hello all .. I have to tell you all that alky has done a runner, she even took the dog with her, but at least she managed to lay the foundations for me......... maybe It's for the best, she was always complaining about me going off birdwatching and leaving her to do all the heavy work....

So I think she might be on da ferry tonight, I think it's to be a force 11 storm da nite, serves her right, it's all she deserves for leaving me in the lurch... Anyway if da rain goes off I might get the joists laid and the floor finished, then I can start to erect da steelwork o the frame o da shed ...

There again, I might go birdie-watching ...  but I canna make my mind up...... think I will go looking for dat kestral and try to get some shots o it wae da camera...

more to come tomorrow, i've an appointment wae a rough legged buzzard on the moors..


Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.
Post by: George on January 18, 2011, 09:18:30 am
A wee update on the shed..

Alky missed the northern isles ferry.

So she is back fur mair punishment..

Anyway.. I though I would give you all a wee update of the saga o the shed and alky...he.he...

Alky's really doing well with the construction side o things..

 But she has worn out her fourth pair o wellies.. But I think I will have to get her a pair of gloves, as her hands are full o blisters.. but I did take her to the doctor to get them seen to, but the doc. fainted when he saw how ugly she is .... ooops, sorry aboot that slip up.... But she looks ok after a good scrub up with a brillo-pad....and a thick coat o paint ......

I'm really getting worried about da dug, it has started to seronade her ever night ootside her kennel .. oops shed.. she isna very happy with da food that I serve her. I give her good wholesome food every day.. Yesterday she had two slices o plain bread and water, and today I gave her two slices o wholegrain bread and washed down with milk [ it was only off a wee bit ] and me, I just had to make do with a medium rare rib-eye steak mashed tatties, onion rings, carrots basted in butter, and garden peas.

 O well, I better get back to make sure she isnt skiving............

Alkys back in Shetland..

hello all, just popped in for a wee rest, thank god alky's away back tae shetland, it'll save me a fortune in breed, an as far as da dug is concerned, it's barking wis doing my heed in.. he.he.

Well da steel is all erected now, jist tae pit da profile sheets on next ... dont think da neighbour will be very happy wae da size o it .. but it's not my problem, it's my wee lassies ..he.he ..........

So alky, you managed tae get back all right, wonder how you managed to pay your fare, whit wae nae money an awe dat .. Did you stow away on da boat did you.. or did you compromise wan o da crew members........

Anyway its nice to see you back in da magnies rest... my, you hiv fair lost a lot o weight alky, your needing a right good feed by da look o you, you wid think someone wis starving you....

Next time I come, I will bring you a new pair o wellies, the one's you are wearing hiv a big hole in da toes, and I notice your hands are healing up good as well, pity aboot dat dent in your skull, wis dat where da steel joist fell on your head, I warned you to wear a hardhat.......

Right alky, I'm away back doon sooth to get on with da shed... and tell all da punters I wis asking for them.... and watch oot for that MG, I think he fancys you, I hear that he has to go to da opticians quite urgently.. then he will see you, as we see you.. god whit a sight...... Whit dae you mean, get oot, did I say something to offend you..

A few pics o whit i've been doing..


Just ta do the gable end..


The path..


Nearly finished.


Thats better looking.


The end o the Saga o the Shed..

Just a quickie..

Quick alky, give me a double whisky.. i'm a bit traumatized.. I wis oot shopping an went into primark and got myself a hoodie top, so that I could mingle in with da low life doon here. The next day I wis up da toon and got mugged wae one o dem.

guess whit he stole ......... he nicked my new hoodie.....


Title: Re: Stories. A wee misunderstanding.
Post by: George on January 20, 2011, 08:32:57 am
Just popped in ta hae a wee word wae that big ruskee ..... Hello Vlad op's sorry it's Igor is it .. my my my.. MG was right you are a really big flatfooted ugly big git, and he was right aboot your skin peeling as well.. and as for your dress sense, well your wellie-boots dont really go wa that mini-skirt ..........

whit are you doing put me doon ya big ape, your choking me, MG, I thought you said he did'na understand english ....


Hello Igor.. I just want to apologise to your good self... I thought it was a bit o fun, then I forgot dat you ruskees aint got any kind o sense o humour.. So I thought it my duty to offer you a wee drink, have a wee glass o creme de meths and I will ha a wee gless o watter... [ that meth's should make it a bit interesting ] aye igor here's to your ald mate stalin....


Hello George. Sounds like you had a terrible journey. Hmm - your experience of eating at that place sounds similar to mine. Dirty knives and forks was my experience and I've never been back since.

Anyway, now you're back, I think you should get this pub back in line. The things that have been going on since you've been away!!!!  It's been terrible. The Alkies are out of control, Mgs not been far behind. Then we've had these very strange folk in here too.

My sister has joined too - Bod. She poked her head round the door and I'm sure she'll be in again soon. She tries to talk with a Yorkshire accent sometimes, but she is not from Yorkshire at all!!! Watch her though, cos she'll probably be after your money. Apart from that she's a bit like me!!!!


Ere George worra pleshure t ear from yer at last, av erd a lorrabowt yer, am gerrin t nur me way round this pless.

Sorry yer trip wer fulla snorrin, my usband snores and I get WELL annoyed so I pinch is nose and is lips, e goes a right funny colour.

Get yersen a drink, av put sum money beyind bar, you gerrup cos av bin at wuck all day so am WELL tired.

Me. Wa a sair heed.

O ma heed, it's fair throbbin wa aw da drum dat MG wis bashin.... a did notice last night dat Bod got aff wa dat Igor, think they were in da peat shed, just wait till her sister Benji finds oot, but she'll no find oot frae me, ma lips are sealed.........

It wis a good idea tae invite da local constabulary, as efter a bit o pestering fra mally they eventualy gave in and gave him a lift home......... I think dat I maybe hud a wee bit to much o da drink, cause I think I wis chatting up alky een her twin alkopop.... god I feel really rough.....


Title: Re: Stories.. taking advantage o geordie.
Post by: George on January 23, 2011, 07:06:59 am
I hope you are going to leave a bottle of red wine paid for behind the bar (aka 'in the wood').
I'll remind Alky and her twin aboot ye while yer stoatin aboot Paisley.
And have the polis been advised of your imminent arrival?
hello mg..I could only get an old bottle o VP I found it in da attic, I brought it up here 30 years ago, there is only a wee drap oot o it.. but it might be ok ta drink, try it oot on fifi first, I think she likes a wee drink, if she dusna throw up after 15 minutes then it should be ok ta drink............ tell da twins to get thereself ower to the plastic surgeon and get aw they defects sorted oot before I came back, I'm fair scunnered looking at dem....
see you later I m off to load up the car.....

Oh dear, the pub is so quiet today. What's missing??? Ah, no George that's what's missing. He did say he'd leave money in the green pig for us all to have a couple of drinks on him. Hmm - 50p that won't get us very far. Ah well, put it on his slate Alky there's nothing on it at the moment and I could do with a wee cider. OK, that's 2.00 he owes you so far. He'll be only too willing to pay when he comes back.  A more generous man you could never wish to who's next for a drink on George?

Oh dear, the pub is so quiet today.  What's missing??? Ah, no George that's what's missing. He did say he'd leave money in the green pig for us all to have a couple of drinks on him. Hmm - 50p that won't get us very far. Ah well, put it on his slate Alky there's nothing on it at the moment and I could do with a wee cider. OK, that's 2.00 he owes you so far. He'll be only too willing to pay when he comes back.  A more generous man you could never wish to who's next for a drink on George?

Another bottle of your best red wine please Alky. 1928 Chateau Ecosse? That'll do nicely. Cheers I'll have it as a carry-oot! 40 you say, yes put it on George's slate will you!

That's 47.00 so far.

Oops I've just spotted that George is on line. I thought he'd gone to Paisley toon building sheds and things!!!!

I'm going to hide behind the bar before he spots me!

I'll have another cider and put it on your slate thanks and I'll have scampi and chips followed by hot chocolate fudge cake with ice cream please Alky. I've no kitchen until Friday, you see. Yes, no problem put it on George's slate again - he's not noticed yet. No, he's too busy having dreams about building sheds or something.............................

The bill? 20 no probs. That's 67 George owes you. He'll be back next month to settle up with you.

Any one else for a free dram??

George......I think you'll need to do a few peerie jobs for cash while you're away, otherwise these gluttonous alkies will have you bankrupt by the time you return..

Morning all,
I thought I'd come in da Rest for a full Scottish breakfast wi all da trimmings:
Ayrshire bacon
Steak Slice
White & black pudding
Cloete dumpling
Sliced haggis
Griddle cakes
Fried potato

c/w Morning rolls and coffee.

Please put it on Georges slate, he left firm instructions that I had to keep my strength up for the Alky twins.

Yes, I'm sure that he can forget his cholesterol until tomorrow!

Now that's a full Scottish breakfast at - how much Alky?

10 - that's OK!

77 on George's slate!

It'll be more than a few jobs he'll need to do to settle this bill!!!

Just dropped in for a quick stiffener. I'm of oot for an Indian curry tonight. I will not return later as my garlicky breath will probably kill vampires at twenty paces.
As an afterthought make that malt a large one as it's going on Geo's tab.

Hope you choke on it. efter running up my bar tab, its a disgrace taking advantage o an auld codger like me... ???... thats nearly a weeks pension up in smoke.. you should all hing your heeds in shame..... .......................... Hi. Alky, wid you like ta hae a wee holiday in Paisley toon wae me..... it will only cost you 77 the same as my bar tab.....

Hope  you all enjoyed da banter till da next time..

george [aka] geordie..
Title: Re: Stories. coming home..
Post by: George on January 28, 2011, 07:29:42 am
Hi.benji... it was a bit o an ordeal the m8 from glasgow airport to da kingston bridge in the city centre, It was at a standstill, it took ages to clear out o glasgow.. then Dundee was nearly as bad, I left my daughters bit at 1230 and arrived at aberdeen the back o 5pm.... I did stop for a meal in da little chef in Dundee.
I was a bit rude to the manager, 8.99 for a mixed grill, which i dont mind paying [ if it's nice ] but this one was terrible, then a black hair in my glass o orange..... I have silver hair...sorry if i'm putting you off anything ...  anyway can I get you a wee drink benji..i'm feeling a bit dry myself...then i'm going to have a laugh later on wae dat big ruskee....

Whit a night on da ferry..

Hello all, i'm back ....... whit a night I had. I had to share a cabin wae another guy een he snored aw night.. I gave in at 4 in da morning and wandered aboot da boat, da security man wis following me aw ower da place, I wis begining to think he fancied me, so I went ta hide in da lifeboat, only to discover it was full o ruskees, they said dat they were emigrating ta Shetland as a mate o theirs telt dem it wis great [ even had a free pub up in northmavine ] their mate wis called igor [ does dat ring a bell wa you  Alky........................

It wiz jist an misunderstanding..

Just popped in ta hae a wee word wa dat ruskee ..... Hello Vlad ops, sorry its Igor is it .. my my my.. MG was right, you are a really big flatfooted ugly big git, and he was right aboot your skin peeling as well..  een as for your dress sense, well your wellie-boots don't really go wa dat mini-skirt .........

Whit are you doing, put me doon ya big ape, your choking me, MG.. I thought you said he did'na understand english..

The apologise..

Hello Igor.. just want to apologise to your good self... I thought it was a bit o fun..

 Then I forgot dat you ruskees aint got any kind o sense o humour.. so I thought it my duty to offer you a wee drink.. have a wee glass o creme de meths, een I will hae a wee glass o watter... [ that meths should make it a bit interesting ] aye Igor, heres to your auld mate stalin....

Hello George. Sounds like you had a terrible journey.... Hmm - your experience of eating at that place sounds similar to mine. Dirty knives and forks was my experience and I've never been back since.

Anyway, now your back, I think you should get this pub back in line. The things that have been going on since you've been away!!!!  It's been terrible. The Alkies are out of control, mg's not been far behind. Then we've had these very strange folk in here too.

My sister has joined too - bod. She poked her head round the door and I'm sure she'll be in again soon. She tries to talk with a Yorkshire accent sometimes but she's not from Yorkshire at all!!! Watch her though, cos she'll probably be after your money.  Apart from that she's a bit like me!!!!


Ere George, worra pleshure t ear from yer at last, av erd a lorrabowt yer, am gerrin t nur me way round this pless.

Sorry yer trip wer fulla snorrin, my usband snores and I get WELL annoyed so I pinch is nose and is lips, e goes a right funny colour.

Get yersen a drink, av put sum money beyind bar, you gerrup cos av bin at wuck all day so am WELL tired.
Hello Bod.. If I pinched his nose he would probably have decked me, as he was a stranger.. he.he. ...  Anyway I was telt by Benji tae watch oot for you as you might be efter my money.. lots o dem forumites think i'm a miserable auld git... but your got to be a bit mean tae save up oot aw your pension .. I'm off da noo tae count ma money noo.. I do it every night... den in da morning as well.. it makes my day... he.he.

More ta come another time..

Title: Re: Stories.. more banter fra the pub..
Post by: George on February 01, 2011, 02:08:32 pm
Well you all!!!!!  While mg and I have been slavin' away getting a birthday tea ready, writing out all the invites etc. etc. george has been casting doubts on our invite list. Shame on you george! You should know that you were at the bottom ops. top of the list, cos you promised to bring the floor show which worries me a bit ...

I've been to great expense - I say great expense - to get a harpist up to Shetland this weekend to play but he's a bit late because he said he was on the ferry and had to share with some geezer who kept threatening him in the night because he was a-snoring!!!! I wonder who that could be????

I've bought in a case of drinks....

I've left the TURKEY behind!!!!!!!

Ah well. Egg butties made by the Alkies with their purple varnished finger nails and boil in the bag stovies will have to do tonight then george........

Igor. He's putting summat in the watter!! I mean he's still perched up on the light. Or......has George brought back something sinister from Paisley? We did say da shed was like the 'Tardis'. Maybe bod is his glam assistant (she does seem to know a lot about a lot).

Ere right, werris everyone. Av gonnan got mesen all dun up and cumin ere t get blathered and there aynt nur one ere. Wes grub and wes all this booze yuv promised. Av gonnun brought some fine Country Manor fizzy wine, yer nur the one thats bin doin rounds furra long time. Av put me best strappy top on so I ope I durnt get nithered letter.

Let the party begin, well it would if there was anyone here, stop planning your holiday benjiesmum and gerrondown ere.

Ooh, can people please type quietly. I've got a virtual hangover after dancing all night and having the odd tipple. <or was it topple?> I was wearing me little glittery number - you know, the lurex mini skirt and the sequinned boob tube - and me strappy sandals. Bod 'n' me 'n' benji and all the girls, well, we never sat down, dancin' round our handbags until dawn.. Mhay turned up through the night as she'd started to get over her cold and George told her a wee snifter would sort her out. So he took off his socks and waved them under her nose..

MG's a bit of an animal on those drums, isn't he??!!  And Davids a whizz on keyboards. Didn't realise George was such a good crooner. And those dark good looks  Alky and her twin were droolin'.. Or maybe that was because they'd laughed so much their false teeth shot across the room and flew out the door. Talking of flying, Cap'n Allen was going to fly Fred Asparagus in to Eshaness International Airport but unfortunately he'd misjudged the weather and they had to divert to Reykjavik.

The guys had a great time too. That Mal is some mover and was never off the dancefloor - move over John Travolta - and Pat and mrgluss were excellent as the go-go dancers on top of the tables.  Specialk and heimdal did a good job of serving everyone. Thought heimdal looked very fetching <and carrying> in his frilly pinny. Great that everyone was there, too many to mention, so crammed in it reminded us of the old days in the Booth. And when the boys threw the birthday girls up in the air and they got stuck on the ceiling, tangled in the lights, and then the Northmavine fire boys and coastguard had to come and rescue them.. Whit a night...

Hi George,
Your head still throbbin' ? Thought so.
Here you are, this'll clear your heid........

o ma heid, it's fair throbbin wa aw da drums dat MG wis bashin.... a did notice last night dat bod got aff wae dat igor, think they were in da peat shed, just wait till her sister benji finds oot, but she'll no find oot frae me my lips are sealed......... it's wis a good idea tae invite da local constabulary as efter a bit o pestering frae mally they eventualy gave in and gave him a lift home......... I think dat I maybe hud a wee bit to much o da drink, cause I think I wis chatting up alky een her twin alkopop....god I feel really rough...

Ere right George worrayer on abowt me goin in tut peat shed wi that Igor, thought yud grass me up did yer. Its true enough Igor tried t cop off wi me and told me t get mesen down tut shed but when a got there e were already givin benj a birthday kiss, well I just legged it back in tut pub. I'll deck me sister wenna catch up wiyer.
You ask Fiona, shis me alibi cos we wos dancing all night like she said, round us andbags, her wi lurex skirt and boob tube and me wi me leather cat suit, them blurks thought we wos well fit.

Ere MG av told yer before that picture were teken in me rebel days, am well refined now, gorra looella bag from armani other day so am dead classy now. Your istory when a see you fur showing that, will afta dig one of your olduns owt, now that will mekem laff
Benjiesmums very qwiert, wer are u sister..

I just came in to do a bit of housekeeping. Whit a stoor. Da whole place is mockit.
Thank God benjie's birthday only comes once a year.

Scrivvens whits this....looks like a pile o' manged cats....why it's Igor sookin oot o' his bottle,
If we don't start behavin' in here the Mods. will chuck us oot. Hang on a minute, that Fifi wis makin' a reet exhibition o' hersel wi bod on Sunday night. What went on in da peat shed, Big 'G' only knows !!!!

hello all, i'm a bit miffed wa dat queenie o oor's, I went tae great expence een bought an alder tree fur ma garden, aw da wie frae paisley toon, so I gave ma auld mate prince harry a wee phone een telt him i wanted his grannie da old queenie tae come up fur da planting ceremony, even telt him dat i could even pit her up in da spare bedroom [ fur a small fee ] he telt me dat da queenie said dat a wis only an auld commoner een she wisna interested..the bl*****g cheeky wummin dat she is, een me paying aw da taxes aw they years. a wis fair disappointed in her......................................prince philip said he wid come if i gave him an intro ta alky as he liked dem a bit rough.. but i telt him dat a really didna like da greeks so dat ruled him oot.......

You wis a bit hasty on yer ceremony................... benjies uncle knows Phil da Greek ! Was in da forces wi im. He might hae put a word in wi Queenie for ye.

ahah.. MG if only I had thought o you I micht o realized dat you were da man ta get it oganized as you seem to be well connected. wa bits o wire nay doot....... anyway it's to late, as i'm gaun ta get myself doon ta buckingham palace ta dae a bit o protesting aboot da auld queenie refering ta me as jist an auld commoner...... it fair hurt my feelings efter me fighting fur da king een country back in da dim past... ah wis very nearly killed in da suez campaign ......................... when i fell in da canal ... but i managed ta get oot o it when one o da boys shouted dat wan o dem big nile crocs wis coming ta get me..............
Which yin wis it George? We'll get him at playtime.............

da big fat wan on da right hand side wae da wellie-boot hinging oot his jaw's.....................................i'm gonna gie him whit fir...

Yikes! Ye see what happens when two men star bletherin' together! George, the only connection mg has with royalty is when a corgi bit his ankle once.

My uncle * "practice bombed" a boat that Phil the Geek was in off Malta many years ago and then went for a drink with him later on.....Royal connections ...

* but he did teach Adam Faith to fly a helicopter!! Just thought I'd throw that one in.

I bet your uncle had to pay for da drinks... I dont think dat da royals carry any money wa dem....

Neither does my uncle!!!!!

Thanks for reading this wee story..

Title: Re: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland. george lost his teeth again..
Post by: George on February 03, 2011, 06:38:35 am
hello Alky, how are you this fine day......oh your a a wee bit nackered are you,, been in da peat shed wae mg......again......gis a pint o your best or i'll tell benji and you know whit a temper she his..she is liable ta gie you a skelp ower da heed....... a see david is up ta his tricks again... he knows i'm feart o COO'S een he pit his flock... or is it herd... in da field ootside da magnies thinking it wid keep me oot o here.... but he forgot It's a virtual pub een I just clicked da moose een it takes me right in da door...

 Mornin George

Just tocht I would have a virtual dander ower to da Magnies... Oh no, whits that I've stood in... arghhh blasted coos!!!

I reckon we could hiv them as steak for the pub denners though. Champion..

good morning to you Pat....

it's a really nice day init.. Pat could I give you a wee bit o advice... thought dat bikini your wearing on dis fine day... it really doe's set oot your profile.......... but it's spoilt wae da yellow wellies your wearing at da bottom bit [ your feet ] noo wis dat no a bit tactful georgie boy ..................... aye Pat, I think your ald mates benji and bod are likely aff tae da RSPB .............................. Scaring a da birds nay doot..............

George, you cheer me up no end, Set off my profile - yup, an he's a beauty noo adays virtual or otherwise..

Wrong G!!!!! I've been busy cleaning the back ends of my tups today!!!! They are having their hair cut on Saturday ready for the showing season so they'll not recognise each other after that, and there will be all hell breaking lose in the shed on Saturday night. So, I've cut their fringes off today so they can see each other before the rest of the wool comes off and maybe they'll stay friends. Bod'll be "wurkin" to keep those twa lads of hers full of food. They're growin' boys!!!!

Ere George worrayer on abowt, there's nowt wrong wi me car, av never needed breckdown cover.
Av bin lerrowta wuck early cos I were meckin a nuisance of mesen and frightenin customers, am goin out wi sum muckers furra drink and a birra food, theres a pub quiz on an all so I wont get blathered cos were gonna win, right.
I arnt bin tut RSPB me sister lives too far away, neer mind us frightening birds worra bowt you wit false teeth then, gerrum super glued thell be reet, durnt purrum back in yer gob till thiv dried else yer gums will get glued an all and yer wurnt be able t cum in ere furra drink or t ave a friendly chat. Ere right tharra be peaceful.

Hope yer wash yer ands before yer gunna meck dinner.!!!! sister..

Watch and learn bod!!!!!!

Well, everybody seems to have gone away to their beds early tonight. Just caught up with allen on "Link the Photo" but he never seems to get into the pub. Can't says as I blame him with all the rowdiness that seems to erupt when certain folk arrive.

Bod's gone out for the night with her mates so there's just me and dog here tonight. I've got a good bottle of Normandy cider that someone at school bought me back from France in exchange for me letting one of my staff go off with all the little darlings on their annual assault on the French. It's quite nice too and I'd share it but there isn't anyone to share it with.

Now George if your teeth start giving you any pain over the Easter weekend Alkys cousin has come up specially from the infirmary to give you a wee jag!!!!! She's here all over the Easter break and will be keeping a watchful eye on you.

Come on now George open wide for nice Nurse!!! George........George..........come back George.........

hello alky, see the pubs empty again... I held an EAGM with myself een took a vote the eyes won it the voting wis eyes 1 nays 0... so alcopop een igor are sacked as o noo..... wee canna employ da bar staff een no hiv any customers, can we... they kin sleep in da peat shed until they get themself sorted oot wa another job, we will give dem a week then there oot in the cauld... ...cheer up alky nay need ta greet. your still got your job... provided dat you do certain favours fur me.. ie .. keep da fire topped up, een gie da place a lick o paint, een smarten yourself up, and last.. greet da punters wa a nice smile.. but keep yer lips shut, we dont want tae frighten any more away with half yer teeth missing.......
Ere George mind if I pull up a chair, worraya on abowt calling other people wiyowt teeth, it weren't that long ago that yours were brurk. Yuv gorram back now av yer. Nowt wus than suckin on yer food. That reminds me did you ear about the tramp that went in tut pub and ask furra cocktail stick, Barman asked what fur, tramp said "cos someones bin sick outside and I want t eat the bits" A second tramp kem in and sed "canna av a straw", Barman asked wot fur. Tramp sed "cos someones bin sick outside and me mates ad all the bits"

Ere George mind if I pull up a chair, worraya on abowt calling other people wiyowt teeth, it weren't that long ago that yours were brurk. Yuv gorram back now av yer. Nowt wus than suckin on yer food. That reminds me did you ear about the tramp that went in tut pub and ask furra cocktail stick, Barman asked what fur, tramp said "cos someones bin sick outside and I want t eat the bits" A second tramp kem in and sed "canna av a straw", Barman asked wot fur. Tramp sed "cos someones bin sick outside and me mates ad all the bits"

your well sick sick sick sick....tut.tut.tut...een here was I in da middle o my dinner as well...shame on you bod he.he. 

Worraya ad furt dinner then George, neeps and tatties. Me ant ubby is goin furra Chinese letter, am well ungry cos ees watchin football fust before we gur so av gorra wet till 7. Me stomach thinks me throats cut. Berral be driving cos eel wanna drink sur I'll afta av a curk or summat.    

George I think people should be more sensitive at tea time.

She's a case my sister. She should still be out "wurkin" not pubbing it, what with two lads waiting at home with their little mouths open waiting for their tea shame on her!!!!

A Yorkshire joke from Sandra [aka Bod]

A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'

Hello George,
Have just been on your website, very impressed, some lovely pictures. Theres a picture of a very handsome man with all his teeth in, any idea who it is then. Sorry the weather isn't good up there today, been glorious here in sunny York got loads done in da peerie garden, looks reet neat and tidy now. Loads of lady cows abowt.

Bod I've lost ma teeth again, help..


Hope you enjoyed the banter, and no doubt you will have bother understanding Bods yorkshire lingo.. but its all fun..



Title: Re: Stories.. Da magnie gets a few surprizes..
Post by: George on February 04, 2011, 08:27:33 am
Hello. Alky, sorry i've not been in for a few days, i'm afraid I was a wee bit low in spirits the last couple o days, never mind I thought I would call in and see you ... you always make me smile, and today you look really pretty, I take it you took my advice and went back to the plastic surgeon ...... he's done a wonderful job with your face, all your bits seem to be in the right place this time ................. Or are you wearing a mask ... he.he.he...... oh dinna start the watter works again, you know it disna work with me..

 Alky...I think you should keep the mask on it might help to entice da customer's back in da door.. you know of course that there is only aboot four or five regulars come in here, yet the pub's had ower 4.674 visiter's it's truly amazing init.........................cheer's

 Aye this is da stuff tae gie em.
It may be a virtual reality pub, but there's nae reality in here. Just honest to goodness madness and mayhem.

It's a bit early in the morning to have a cider so I'll have a coffee and a piece of cake if Alky will be so kind as to put the pot on. Those fingernails are revolting Alky - bright orange ones this week. Yuk!

I've got a bit to do today - boring things like washing and cleaning my car ready for going back to work on Monday.

Bod's gone missing too. She's had nothing to say for a few days. I expect those twa laddies of hers are keeping her busy "wurkin" again.

I see you've been to Canada too George. I've been once to Ontario too in 1975. It was, as you say a lovely country. So very clean. I went to an old fashioned pioneer village that was brilliant and then up into the wilds. It is such an enormous country. I also went to Niagara and went under the falls. Did you??

We were going to emigrate there in the 60s. We'd got clearance from Canada House and everything and as a child, I remember being so excited. But it wasn't to be. My mum's parents kicked up a fuss. So that was the end of that.

Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernails ... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto......... dont start greeting again I wis only joking .................................... Benji, to answer your questions.. yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara .. but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me ..... we then stayed in Kingston, then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states.

going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought .. he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift thing.. it was fun..

Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernail's... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto.........dont start greeting again I wis only joking....................................Benji, to answer your question's yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara..but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me.....we then stayed in Kingston then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states. going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought..he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift was fun..Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernail's... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto.........dont start greeting again I wis only joking....................................Benji, to answer your question's yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara..but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me.....we then stayed in Kingston then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states. going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought..he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift was fun..
Hello MG..
If I'm not mistaken I could swear that it's Alkys love child ....................................... her oldest one, she has a few o them in the basement with her auld mother, that one must have escaped ........ you could have waited till after nine to show it, cause at this time o day the bairns are aboot, and you dont want to be held responible if they hae nightmares........and pee da bed..etc.etc.....

Well hello George just popped in for a bit of a breather after swallow watching in the field.

Wots going on here then.  Nail varnish bottles all over the floor... cotton wool ... nail polish remover in a puddle next to the fire... there'll be an explosion in here if you're not careful. No Alky you can't put black nail varnish on tonight you'll frighten the customers away. Where are the nails on your right hand gone.... they fell off!!!!  They were false ones!!!!! Yikes!!! Well where did they go???? In the stovies ... you dropped them in the stovies ... not all of them ... some went in the neeps and tatties ......

 oh no!!!!! And you served it to that coach load that's just left for the ferry ...... but gave some to George too because he wanted to take some home...... oh dear oh dear....we'd better get your cousin nurse to deal with him then...

If you fancy a wee cup of what you like, then try out the virtual coffee machine..

1. Click on  the link.. Wait for minute for the coffee machine to load!
2. Put the coin in the vending machine.
3. Choose your drink.
4. Click on the cup when its ready.
5 Click on open.
Don't forget to click on "open !!!

Well I tried it even though I hate the stuff, so wots that there munkeee sayin at th'end. Carnt yer find one that as got summat a bit more potent, mebe you could purrit int Da Magnies and we could have 24 hour drinkin, we wouldn,t afta purrup wi Alky then.

Er, can you lend us a coin George, I came out without my purse.....

Theres a munkkeee in the machine. I think it must have escaped from specialk, I think she should be told.

Seeing what I have seen, I'll stick to WATER OUT OF THE TAP!!!!!

Hello all..
God's sake it's foo o tourists da night.. canadians, welsh, ruskees, even some english folk [ even some twitcher's ] ....

I see that Alky's recovered frae her wee trip up tae north roe wae me... I felt a wee bit sorry for her when I kiddied her on dat I hud run oot o petrol ..and telt her tae get oot and shove da car fur aboot a quarter o a mile .... well you have to ecconomise some way, when petrol is 1.45 a litre ........

and Bod see dat wifie in da corner smoking a pipe, well that's Mavis, think her last name is Grind... he.he.he..... I see that Benji his let MG oot for a wee bevvy.. Big mistake Benji, cause I saw him stagger inta da peat shed wae a bottle o whiskey followed by CC your cousin ...... oh dont you worry aboot him, he's past it anyway, but CC I think she's gonna get arty-crafty wae him ......... anyway, I'm off home tae get myself my wee cup o hot chocolate .. If you can believe me...
 I'd avoid the hot choc. george. The munkee is still in the machine!!!!! Have a couple of real drinks instead! Down the hatch!

Helloooo Alky..
That soup you gave me the other day wis absolutely revolting, when I got to the bottom o the bowl whit did I find................................. fingernails... your've been cutting your nails again haven't you ...........well a doot you'll be going on a wee hygiene course ASAP ........... and whit did we tell you aboot wearing some nice cloths eh ......... so get they dungarees off and get into something a bit like a smart wee mini-skirt ta entice da punters back ............ on second thoughts I suppose it widna matter whit you wore, cause it wid take a miracle ta improve your looks..... greeting again ..... tell you whit, let's play a wee trick on the punters tonight, you hiv the night off and get your mum to stand in fur you ........... that would scare da living daylights oot o them .... but mind and keep the chain on her in case she escapes .... we dont want to start a panic do we..

Wots happened here today then, george, and where are all the punters?

Came in for a wee drink before I hit my pit, and the place is deserted. Ouch! Just tripped over something whats this???
Chains ..... attached to the bar. But they've been gnawed right through by the looks of it .... great big teeth marks everywhere!!!!!!!

 Yikes there's a trail of nastee looking green stuff leading to the cellar door. Better creep up...slowly

Yikes! Aaahhhhh!!! Who are you then..... Mavis? M.M.M.aavis who. Grind? Oh that's the noise your teeth make when yer biting through chains ......Yikes!!!!!!! George ..... where are you????? Alky? Are you down there in the cellar??????

You don't have to be mad in here... but it sure helps!!

Ere yer all barkin, does that there MG ave nowt berra t do that play ont furtobucket

Benj - you're just bossy, I'm sad because you med me kill me slug

Help me George help me.

Hope you all enjoyed reading this, its a wee bit mad, but Its men't to entertain..