Author Topic: Storys from a virtual pub in shetland.  (Read 1430 times)


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Re: Stories.. more banter fra the pub..
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2011, 02:08:32 pm »
Well you all!!!!!  While mg and I have been slavin' away getting a birthday tea ready, writing out all the invites etc. etc. george has been casting doubts on our invite list. Shame on you george! You should know that you were at the bottom ops. top of the list, cos you promised to bring the floor show which worries me a bit ...

I've been to great expense - I say great expense - to get a harpist up to Shetland this weekend to play but he's a bit late because he said he was on the ferry and had to share with some geezer who kept threatening him in the night because he was a-snoring!!!! I wonder who that could be????

I've bought in a case of drinks....

I've left the TURKEY behind!!!!!!!

Ah well. Egg butties made by the Alkies with their purple varnished finger nails and boil in the bag stovies will have to do tonight then george........

Igor. He's putting summat in the watter!! I mean he's still perched up on the light. Or......has George brought back something sinister from Paisley? We did say da shed was like the 'Tardis'. Maybe bod is his glam assistant (she does seem to know a lot about a lot).

Ere right, werris everyone. Av gonnan got mesen all dun up and cumin ere t get blathered and there aynt nur one ere. Wes grub and wes all this booze yuv promised. Av gonnun brought some fine Country Manor fizzy wine, yer nur the one thats bin doin rounds furra long time. Av put me best strappy top on so I ope I durnt get nithered letter.

Let the party begin, well it would if there was anyone here, stop planning your holiday benjiesmum and gerrondown ere.

Ooh, can people please type quietly. I've got a virtual hangover after dancing all night and having the odd tipple. <or was it topple?> I was wearing me little glittery number - you know, the lurex mini skirt and the sequinned boob tube - and me strappy sandals. Bod 'n' me 'n' benji and all the girls, well, we never sat down, dancin' round our handbags until dawn.. Mhay turned up through the night as she'd started to get over her cold and George told her a wee snifter would sort her out. So he took off his socks and waved them under her nose..

MG's a bit of an animal on those drums, isn't he??!!  And Davids a whizz on keyboards. Didn't realise George was such a good crooner. And those dark good looks  Alky and her twin were droolin'.. Or maybe that was because they'd laughed so much their false teeth shot across the room and flew out the door. Talking of flying, Cap'n Allen was going to fly Fred Asparagus in to Eshaness International Airport but unfortunately he'd misjudged the weather and they had to divert to Reykjavik.

The guys had a great time too. That Mal is some mover and was never off the dancefloor - move over John Travolta - and Pat and mrgluss were excellent as the go-go dancers on top of the tables.  Specialk and heimdal did a good job of serving everyone. Thought heimdal looked very fetching <and carrying> in his frilly pinny. Great that everyone was there, too many to mention, so crammed in it reminded us of the old days in the Booth. And when the boys threw the birthday girls up in the air and they got stuck on the ceiling, tangled in the lights, and then the Northmavine fire boys and coastguard had to come and rescue them.. Whit a night...

Hi George,
Your head still throbbin' ? Thought so.
Here you are, this'll clear your heid........

o ma heid, it's fair throbbin wa aw da drums dat MG wis bashin.... a did notice last night dat bod got aff wae dat igor, think they were in da peat shed, just wait till her sister benji finds oot, but she'll no find oot frae me my lips are sealed......... it's wis a good idea tae invite da local constabulary as efter a bit o pestering frae mally they eventualy gave in and gave him a lift home......... I think dat I maybe hud a wee bit to much o da drink, cause I think I wis chatting up alky een her twin alkopop....god I feel really rough...

Ere right George worrayer on abowt me goin in tut peat shed wi that Igor, thought yud grass me up did yer. Its true enough Igor tried t cop off wi me and told me t get mesen down tut shed but when a got there e were already givin benj a birthday kiss, well I just legged it back in tut pub. I'll deck me sister wenna catch up wiyer.
You ask Fiona, shis me alibi cos we wos dancing all night like she said, round us andbags, her wi lurex skirt and boob tube and me wi me leather cat suit, them blurks thought we wos well fit.

Ere MG av told yer before that picture were teken in me rebel days, am well refined now, gorra looella bag from armani other day so am dead classy now. Your istory when a see you fur showing that, will afta dig one of your olduns owt, now that will mekem laff
Benjiesmums very qwiert, wer are u sister..

I just came in to do a bit of housekeeping. Whit a stoor. Da whole place is mockit.
Thank God benjie's birthday only comes once a year.

Scrivvens whits this....looks like a pile o' manged cats....why it's Igor sookin oot o' his bottle,
If we don't start behavin' in here the Mods. will chuck us oot. Hang on a minute, that Fifi wis makin' a reet exhibition o' hersel wi bod on Sunday night. What went on in da peat shed, Big 'G' only knows !!!!

hello all, i'm a bit miffed wa dat queenie o oor's, I went tae great expence een bought an alder tree fur ma garden, aw da wie frae paisley toon, so I gave ma auld mate prince harry a wee phone een telt him i wanted his grannie da old queenie tae come up fur da planting ceremony, even telt him dat i could even pit her up in da spare bedroom [ fur a small fee ] he telt me dat da queenie said dat a wis only an auld commoner een she wisna interested..the bl*****g cheeky wummin dat she is, een me paying aw da taxes aw they years. a wis fair disappointed in her......................................prince philip said he wid come if i gave him an intro ta alky as he liked dem a bit rough.. but i telt him dat a really didna like da greeks so dat ruled him oot.......

You wis a bit hasty on yer ceremony................... benjies uncle knows Phil da Greek ! Was in da forces wi im. He might hae put a word in wi Queenie for ye.

ahah.. MG if only I had thought o you I micht o realized dat you were da man ta get it oganized as you seem to be well connected. wa bits o wire nay doot....... anyway it's to late, as i'm gaun ta get myself doon ta buckingham palace ta dae a bit o protesting aboot da auld queenie refering ta me as jist an auld commoner...... it fair hurt my feelings efter me fighting fur da king een country back in da dim past... ah wis very nearly killed in da suez campaign ......................... when i fell in da canal ... but i managed ta get oot o it when one o da boys shouted dat wan o dem big nile crocs wis coming ta get me..............
Which yin wis it George? We'll get him at playtime.............

da big fat wan on da right hand side wae da wellie-boot hinging oot his jaw's.....................................i'm gonna gie him whit fir...

Yikes! Ye see what happens when two men star bletherin' together! George, the only connection mg has with royalty is when a corgi bit his ankle once.

My uncle * "practice bombed" a boat that Phil the Geek was in off Malta many years ago and then went for a drink with him later on.....Royal connections ...

* but he did teach Adam Faith to fly a helicopter!! Just thought I'd throw that one in.

I bet your uncle had to pay for da drinks... I dont think dat da royals carry any money wa dem....

Neither does my uncle!!!!!

Thanks for reading this wee story..