Hello. Alky, sorry i've not been in for a few days, i'm afraid I was a wee bit low in spirits the last couple o days, never mind I thought I would call in and see you ... you always make me smile, and today you look really pretty, I take it you took my advice and went back to the plastic surgeon ...... he's done a wonderful job with your face, all your bits seem to be in the right place this time ................. Or are you wearing a mask ... he.he.he...... oh dinna start the watter works again, you know it disna work with me..

 Alky...I think you should keep the mask on it might help to entice da customer's back in da door.. you know of course that there is only aboot four or five regulars come in here, yet the pub's had ower 4.674 visiter's it's truly amazing init.........................cheer's

 Aye this is da stuff tae gie em.
It may be a virtual reality pub, but there's nae reality in here. Just honest to goodness madness and mayhem.

It's a bit early in the morning to have a cider so I'll have a coffee and a piece of cake if Alky will be so kind as to put the pot on. Those fingernails are revolting Alky - bright orange ones this week. Yuk!

I've got a bit to do today - boring things like washing and cleaning my car ready for going back to work on Monday.

Bod's gone missing too. She's had nothing to say for a few days. I expect those twa laddies of hers are keeping her busy "wurkin" again.

I see you've been to Canada too George. I've been once to Ontario too in 1975. It was, as you say a lovely country. So very clean. I went to an old fashioned pioneer village that was brilliant and then up into the wilds. It is such an enormous country. I also went to Niagara and went under the falls. Did you??

We were going to emigrate there in the 60s. We'd got clearance from Canada House and everything and as a child, I remember being so excited. But it wasn't to be. My mum's parents kicked up a fuss. So that was the end of that.

Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernails ... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto......... dont start greeting again I wis only joking .................................... Benji, to answer your questions.. yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara .. but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me ..... we then stayed in Kingston, then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states.

going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought .. he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift thing.. it was fun..

Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernail's... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto.........dont start greeting again I wis only joking....................................Benji, to answer your question's yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara..but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me.....we then stayed in Kingston then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states. going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought..he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift thing..it was fun..Hello Alky we hiv had a complaint aboot your fingernail's... they frightened wan o da customers, so smarten yourself up a bit or your oot o here pronto.........dont start greeting again I wis only joking....................................Benji, to answer your question's yes we were staying in the travel-lodge in Niagara..but we didna go on the maid o the mist, and I got stung wae a wasp walking back tae the hotel, everyone thought it was quite funny except me.....we then stayed in Kingston then back to Niagara and crossed the bridge to the states. going in the duty free shop was quite hilarious, my sister in law was black affronted with what we bought..he.he.he....we did cross the river on the chair lift thing..it was fun..
   
Hello MG..
If I'm not mistaken I could swear that it's Alkys love child ....................................... her oldest one, she has a few o them in the basement with her auld mother, that one must have escaped ........ you could have waited till after nine to show it, cause at this time o day the bairns are aboot, and you dont want to be held responible if they hae nightmares........and pee da bed..etc.etc.....

Well hello George just popped in for a bit of a breather after swallow watching in the field.

Wots going on here then.  Nail varnish bottles all over the floor... cotton wool ... nail polish remover in a puddle next to the fire... there'll be an explosion in here if you're not careful. No Alky you can't put black nail varnish on tonight you'll frighten the customers away. Where are the nails on your right hand gone.... they fell off!!!!  They were false ones!!!!! Yikes!!! Well where did they go? In the stovies ... you dropped them in the stovies ... not all of them ... some went in the neeps and tatties ......

 oh no!!!!! And you served it to that coach load that's just left for the ferry ...... but gave some to George too because he wanted to take some home...... oh dear oh dear....we'd better get your cousin nurse to deal with him then...

If you fancy a wee cup of what you like, then try out the virtual coffee machine..



1. Click on  the link.. Wait for minute for the coffee machine to load!
2. Put the coin in the vending machine.
3. Choose your drink.
4. Click on the cup when its ready.
5 Click on open.
Enjoy..
Don't forget to click on "open !!!
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf

Well I tried it even though I hate the stuff, so wots that there munkeee sayin at th'end. Carnt yer find one that as got summat a bit more potent, mebe you could purrit int Da Magnies and we could have 24 hour drinkin, we wouldn,t afta purrup wi Alky then.

Er, can you lend us a coin George, I came out without my purse.....

Theres a munkkeee in the machine. I think it must have escaped from specialk, I think she should be told.

Seeing what I have seen, I'll stick to WATER OUT OF THE TAP!!!!!

Hello all..
God's sake it's foo o tourists da night.. canadians, welsh, ruskees, even some english folk [ even some twitcher's ] ....

I see that Alky's recovered frae her wee trip up tae north roe wae me... I felt a wee bit sorry for her when I kiddied her on dat I hud run oot o petrol ..and telt her tae get oot and shove da car fur aboot a quarter o a mile .... well you have to ecconomise some way, when petrol is £1.45 a litre ........

and Bod see dat wifie in da corner smoking a pipe, well that's Mavis, think her last name is Grind... he.he.he..... I see that Benji his let MG oot for a wee bevvy.. Big mistake Benji, cause I saw him stagger inta da peat shed wae a bottle o whiskey followed by CC your cousin ...... oh dont you worry aboot him, he's past it anyway, but CC I think she's gonna get arty-crafty wae him ......... anyway, I'm off home tae get myself my wee cup o hot chocolate .. If you can believe me...
   
 I'd avoid the hot choc. george. The munkee is still in the machine!!!!! Have a couple of real drinks instead! Down the hatch!

Helloooo Alky..
That soup you gave me the other day wis absolutely revolting, when I got to the bottom o the bowl whit did I find................................. fingernails... your've been cutting your nails again haven't you ...........well a doot you'll be going on a wee hygiene course ASAP ........... and whit did we tell you aboot wearing some nice cloths eh ......... so get they dungarees off and get into something a bit more..sexy.. like a smart wee mini-skirt ta entice da punters back ............ on second thoughts I suppose it widna matter whit you wore, cause it wid take a miracle ta improve your looks..... greeting again ..... tell you whit, let's play a wee trick on the punters tonight, you hiv the night off and get your mum to stand in fur you ........... that would scare da living daylights oot o them .... but mind and keep the chain on her in case she escapes .... we dont want to start a panic do we..

Wots happened here today then, george, and where are all the punters?

Came in for a wee drink before I hit my pit, and the place is deserted. Ouch! Just tripped over something whats this???
Chains ..... attached to the bar. But they've been gnawed right through by the looks of it .... great big teeth marks everywhere!!!!!!!

 Yikes there's a trail of nastee looking green stuff leading to the cellar door. Better creep up...slowly

Yikes! Aaahhhhh!!! Who are you then..... Mavis? M.M.M.aavis who. Grind? Oh that's the noise your teeth make when yer biting through chains ......Yikes!!!!!!! George ..... where are you?? Alky? Are you down there in the cellar???

You don't have to be mad in here... but it sure helps!!

Ere yer all barkin, does that there MG ave nowt berra t do that play ont furtobucket

Benj - you're just bossy, I'm sad because you med me kill me slug

Help me George help me.

Hope you all enjoyed reading this, its a wee bit mad, but Its men't to entertain..

george..